Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
