I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
