We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
