I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
