shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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