So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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