I have demons in me.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
