end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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