somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
sex in a hospital.. check
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
