I cockslap morals
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
