his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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