smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
