Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
