We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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