I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Randomize
