imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
