the new term for farting is butt boxing.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
