It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
