I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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