You're completely useless in the revolution.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
