hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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