As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
