You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
