Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
