I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
