i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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