I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
