Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
