bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
