So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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