stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
