I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
