omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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