JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
