I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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