OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
