its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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