I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
