Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
