4 words: hood of his car
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
