Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
