is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
