I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
