I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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