Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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