I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
