you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
