i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
