Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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