you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
